So, your church has decided to do a “family service,” which is a church service that includes all generations. Instead of splitting up the family into age segregated classes, the family sits together and worships together. The benefits to a service like this are many, including parents showing spiritual leadership in their family, and children being a part of the church as a whole!
By the way, family events are big right now, even in the secular world and in our culture. Want proof? Consider the highest attended and highest grossing films of the last few years — movies that the entire family can watch together. The kids love it, but there are funny “gems” in the storyline and dialogue for the adults, too. Family restaurants are making more money than ever. Family night at your child’s school will probably be packed out. Family events are well attended and going strong.
So why do churches not try to do family services more often? And when they do, why do family services sometimes fall flat? With so much potential benefit, what could possibly go wrong? Well, here are a few real-life responses I’ve heard in response to the idea of having a family service:
- “Nobody told me there wouldn’t be childcare. If I had known, we would have stayed home.”
- “I’m with my kids all week. I absolutely must have a break.”
- “I cannot worship with the distraction of children.”
- “I do not believe it could work to have my special needs child in the main service. She would be too disruptive.”
Have you heard any of those responses? When you are trying to change a paradigm and a culture, the above responses can be frustrating and discouraging. And I do understand that we must change the mentality of parents from: “I drop my kids off. You lead them to Jesus and disciple them. I’ll be back in an hour” to: “I am the spiritual leader of my child.”
Before we go blaming the parents for not wanting to sit with their children, have we done all we can do to truly create a “family service”? Most of our problems with having a family service would be resolved if we understood what a family service is NOT.
A family service is NOT:
- A service just like all the others, with no difference in the lineup, themes, or preparation. It is really geared for adults and built around songs, sermons, and illustrations for adults.
- A service that “allows” children to be in the sanctuary, as long as they do not interfere with the “adult” service. Children are told to sit silently and not distract the adults. No one is really concerned whether the children take anything away from the service. -
- A service as “punishment.” I’ve actually heard of churches having a family service because “no one is volunteering to work in children’s ministry.” The thinking goes like this: “If the parents have to suffer through having their children in the service with them long enough, eventually they will give in and volunteer.” AHHHHHH! Family ministry services should never be used as punishment. I cringe when I hear kid’s ministry leaders threaten a child with, “If you don’t stop acting up, you’re going to Big Church. I mean it! You’ll sit with your parents!” We are making a family worship service, (sitting in the main sanctuary with their parents) the worst of all punishments, reserved only for very bad behavior. This has got to stop!
So, how can we completely revise our idea of a “Family Service”? What should it look like? What COULD it look like? How do we intentionally craft a dynamic worship experience that will minister across the generations and not just to one age group? Well, here are some tips for great family services!
1. Set the right expectations. This service isn’t going to be quiet. It may not always be orderly or neat either. We cannot fully minister to families if we still expect children and infants and those with special needs to stay silent and unseen. Expect some noise, expect movement (not sitting still), and expect God to show up in a powerful way.
2. Intentionally design your programming to reach across generations. I don’t mean just bringing the kids up front for 5 minutes. I mean a truly integrated service. This is going to mean a whole lot of work and input from various perspectives. I highly recommend planning your family services with a diverse team. See the sample family service in the sidebar.
3. Enlist ministry representatives from many different age groups to DO the ministry on the stage. Your dramas, readings, videos, and testimonials should be sure to include people with special needs, older people, singles, blended families, and more. Remember, who you have on the stage matters. Even unintentionally, you are modeling how you want your church to look, sound, and function. If you truly want an inter-generational church, then model what you are working toward.
4. Engage all five senses. Kinesthetic learning is NOT just for kids. Adults love it, too. And ALL of your attendees at a family service will remember what they see, hear, and do. Do not be afraid to incorporate illustrative methods in your service such as drama, video clips, readings, a guessing game, families acting out a story, object lessons, or even a contest.
Communicate a vision of your church as a family of families. Too many times, when we promote a “family service”, many of our church members do not attend because they assume we only mean nuclear, first marriage, 2.5 kids, middle class, mini-van families. But our churches have a vast number of people who do not fit that mold. Blended families, single parent families, grandparents raising their grandkids, singles, college students — and the list goes on.
Scripture says that the world will know us by our love. And a family service means that we, the church, are a family — all of us — together. What a beautiful picture of what the church should look like — what heaven is going to look like. A family of believers, loving God, loving each other and worshipping Jesus together. No one should feel that they need to stay home when we have a family service!
Family Worship Service Agenda
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OPENING WORSHIP: Cross generational mix of kids, students, parents, and grandparents. Kids worship team, pre-k and elementary children do the “moves” to the worship songs. Encourage participation from all congregants. Movement and noise is welcomed!
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VIDEO: Testimonials from congregants who stuck it out during a tough situation and did not quit/leave.
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SELECTED READINGS: Members of congregation read selected passages of Scripture.
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OBJECT LESSON: Leader has a box of tissues and continues to pull them out one after another repeatedly throwing them in a trashcan. He explains that we live in a “throw away” society, a disposable world, where people, relationships and commitments — things which God intended to be permanent — are not valued. He will ask the audience to speak out loud the names of things we toss out in our modern culture — marriages, friendships, jobs, family members, commitments — even our relationship with God at times. He will explain that some things were not meant to be disposable and how it hurts people to be callously discarded. But God promises to never ever toss us away. God says, “How can I forget you? I’ve inscribed you on the palms of My hands! I will never leave you, never forsake you. Behold I am with you always, even until the end of the world!” The whole of Scripture tells of God’s never-ending faithfulness. And we are to show the faithfulness of God in our own relationships and commitments. Let’s look at how God values faithfulness in the lives of some ordinary people.
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MESSAGE: (four large panels are brought on stage. Each one has a picture of a famous Bible character on it: Abraham, Joseph, Ruth, and Mary)
A. Person in front of the Abraham panel: “Abraham was faithful to God. When God told him to leave his homeland and his relatives to go to a strange new land, Abraham believed God and obeyed. Even in a foreign land, when everyone else worshipped other gods, Abraham remained faithful. No matter what God asked of Him — including his son Isaac — Abraham believed God and remained faithful. God, in turn, entered a covenant of faithfulness with Abraham, making him the father of the nation of Israel.”
B. Person in front of the Joseph panel: “Joseph remained faithful to God through terrible circumstances, including betrayal by his brothers, being sold into slavery, being lied about, and being falsely imprisoned for years. Scripture tells us that even in prison, Joseph was faithful. In the end, Joseph became second in command of all Egypt, and used the skills he learned in prison to guide a nation and the surrounding lands through a famine crisis. He even learned to forgive his family and renew their relationship.”
C. Person in front of the Ruth panel: “Ruth was a refugee, a hated Moabite migrant. After she was widowed, she remained faithful to her mother-in-law Naomi, and pledged to be faithful to Israel’s God. Ruth was faithful to take care of Naomi. Eventually Ruth was married to Boaz, a wealthy Israelite who took her in — along with Naomi. Ruth and Boaz had a son named Obed —who was the grandfather of King David. As Ruth was faithful to God and Naomi, God was faithful to her.”
D. Person in front of the Mary panel: “Mary was a teenage girl when God told her that she would become pregnant with His Son. Her life was changed forever, but she chose to trust God. She was faithful to birth and raise Jesus, and to be available for Him throughout His ministry. She was there, at the foot of the Cross — one of the few who stayed with Jesus as He died. She was present on the Sunday of Jesus’ resurrection. And she was praying with the new believers as God sent His Spirit upon the new church. Mary is a shining example of the power of just BEING there, of being faithful. “ “Have you noticed what all of these people have in common? Yes, they all pleased God by being faithful. In fact, they pleased Him so much, that every one of these people were intentionally included in the lineage of Jesus Christ, God’s only Son. (Turn around all four panels at this point to reveal a picture of Jesus.) God could have used powerful soldiers, mighty rulers, or the smartest people on earth to be the family of His Son. But instead, God chose ordinary people, who chose extraordinary faithfulness. And He is still looking for faithfulness today.” -
PRAYER OF COMMITMENT: “The ushers will now be passing out cloth handkerchiefs to singles, couples, and families to hold together. A cloth handkerchief is not meant to be disposable. You are not disposable to God! Let everyone in your family take hold of the handkerchief and pray together, ‘God we thank You for being so faithful at all times to us. Please forgive us for treating each other like disposable things. Forgive us for the times we are unfaithful to each other and to You. We know You are faithful to us no matter what. Help us to be faithful to You. Help us be people who keep our word and honor our commitments. Help us be faithful people in unfaithful times.’ Now, please turn to the ones you love here today and say out loud to them, ‘You will never be disposable to me. I will be faithful to you.’ (Take time to do this). Now we want you to take a moment to pray for each other in family groups. Everyone is to join a group, so if you see someone not in a group, pull them into your family group! (Allow time for families to pray together) We want you to take home the cloth handkerchief and put it in a visible place in your home. Every time you look at it, please remember God’s faithfulness to you, and your calling to be faithful to Him and others. Now everyone step out from your seats and connect across the aisles. Let’s sing these last songs as one “family of God.”
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CLOSING WORSHIP MUSIC: with Intergenerational Team
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